Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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