shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
