no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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