you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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