sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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