did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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