sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
