Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
