I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
