Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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