Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
