got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
