Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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