He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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