At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
