I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
