My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
wow bdsm is so cute
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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