Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
