Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
