watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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