I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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