There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
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