it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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