it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
i've created a new STD.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
