Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
