i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
