So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
