Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
