Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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