I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
