handjob tips. give me some.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Use "feeling words"
Yay
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
