No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
