He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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