god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
