Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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