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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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