Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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