Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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