my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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