just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I believe in your delicious
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
