I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
