I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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