Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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