he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
