Fine. I'll sleep in my office
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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