I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
