he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
