ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
