Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Vodka?
Forever.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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