from now on my penis is your penis
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
