I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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